Can Dating Lead to Drinking?

“A new study suggests that teenagers with a new boyfriend or girlfriend tend to be more influenced by the drinking habits of their romantic partner's friends than they are by the partners themselves. Why? Dating introduces adolescents to new and different social networks and also creates a kind of indirect peer pressure, says lead researcher Derek Kreager, Ph.D., an associate professor of crime, law, and justice at Pennsylvania State University, in University Park.”

The outcome of the study may or may not be surprising to you—especially if you are a parent—but it does reveal a pattern:

"A teen's longtime friends tend to be like-minded when it comes to values and lifestyle, but romantic partners are more likely to come from a different circle."

Students are in transition!  They are moving from single students to dating students.  They are going to leave home—where there is accountability and standards/convictions and healthy food—to attend college where there is little accountability (if any) and a myriad of choices!

In this very insightful Health.com article, Angela Diaz, M.D., program and research director of the adolescent health center at the Mount Sinai Medical Center in New York goes on to explain: "It's during adolescence that kids start exploring adult behavior and adult roles, and looking for acceptance and respect," she says. "And throughout high school, a child's peer groups will change dramatically based on the new behaviors they pick up and the new people they encounter."

So if you are a parent…dating is not necessarily a fun and social “rite of passage.” In our current sex-crazed and binge-drinking culture, dating CAN BE an influential time of unsolicited experimentation and introductions to drinking, drugs, sex, abuse, addiction, skipping out on classes, cheating on tests, and more.

Parents, I promise that if you to make the following little changes with your students, you will get the big results that come from being a character coach:

Ask questions, “What, where, when, how, and why?”  Be inquisitive BUT not accusatory.  Make an appointment with your child to discuss your concerns.  Put great thought into HOW you will communicate with your student.  The best plan is to talk to them in a respectful tone of voice and listen to them without interrupting. Treat them in the way you would want to be treated.

Be aware of the current issues that are occurring in your school system and community.  Every area has a different culture.  Are there unusually large numbers of girls getting pregnant in your high school?  Is there a great deal of public affection displayed in public at school events? Are many students being cited for underage drinking in your community?

Coordinate social events and group dates with other parents.  Get to know the parents of your child’s friends and teammates.  Open up your homes for kids to hang out after school or after a sporting event.  Have an afternoon weekend “board game” day.  Have a stockpile of healthy snacks on hand—when kids are hungry, they’ll come to your house to eat!

Be encouraged,

What's In and What's Out in "After-School" Snacking

I recently volunteered to become an after-school helper for a family.  And my first temptation (actually I succumbed) was to take everyone out for yogurt!  So when I uncovered a recent Washington Post article on how to prepare healthy after-school snacks, I was “schooled,” not only by its thorough information, but on how easy it is to provide energy-boosting foods for lunches and snacks—for kids and adults.

Though the article was packed with ideas, he following little changes are sure to give you big results:

Make popcorn, instead of serving chips – it’s quick, easy and fibrous.  You can choose with or without butter and if you prefer, buy organic brands. 

Cut up veggies and serve with humus or cut up apples with almond butter.  They're chilled and crispy, healthy and chemical free. Perfect and easy!

The article even listed “what’s in” and “what’s out” for healthy snacks, such as serving graham crackers instead of cookies, almonds instead of peanuts, and skim milk instead of flavored milk. 

Honestly, it just takes a little “schooling” and you can get everyone moving in the right direction.  

Whether it is hyperactivity or obesity, our kids need to see adults making and providing healthy choices for the entire family.

Be encouraged,

Do you REALLY want to change?

If you are like me, you REALLY want to change one or more areas of your life.  Well, I have a suggestion that can get you started today!

Begin to change your life by making any changes that you can identify that are voluntary and visible…

I regularly coach people who are trying to make big, sweeping changes in their health or weight, marriage relationships, personality weaknesses (such as procrastination), or their job situations but they are stuck!  They cannot get focused on where to start nor can they keep momentum once they get started.

My observation is that people who are desperate to change erroneously focus (if not obsess) on what is out of their control rather than on what they can control.  Chasing after that which is elusive or invisible most often leads to inaction. And the only way I have found to make and sustain change is through an action plan!

So what is the antidote to inaction—otherwise fondly labeled “procrastination” or “paralyzation”? 

Immediately make any and all—no matter how small--visible and voluntary changes that you can make.  Right now.  Today, not later, not tomorrow, but today. At this very moment make a list of those things that hurt you and others and stop doing them right now.  Turn immediately away from every little thing that keeps you stuck and run toward the actions (and people) that will help you change.  It's that simple.  

In other words, if you want to change your diet, or your marriage, or your job, then change what you can see and what you can do right now.

A little change will have a big result when it…

shuts the door on old habits,

tells the tempter to go away,

gives you a feeling of achievement rather than disappointment,

empowers you to give back to others,

allows you to receive forgiveness from those you’ve hurt,

reminds you of who you are and affirms your purpose in life!

If you need help making a little (or a big) change, contact me or visit my website, ChangeYourLifeDaily.com or call my office at 800.444.6189 for personalized life coaching packages that are designed to help you start over in 60 days, tackle one issue in 6 weeks, or receive coaching to become a more effective communicator.

Be encouraged,

Becky

Certified Life Coach and ACE Certified Fitness Instructor

Author and Speaker

Understanding Grief

Today, our nation grieves the loss of those who died on September 11th, 2001.  Through religious services, silence observed at athletic events, and ceremonies held in the cities most impacted by the terrorist attacks ten years ago, we remember.

It was the sacred and emotional ceremony that took place this morning at the beautiful 9/11 Memorial at Ground Zero in New York City that caused me to choke back tears. Water streaming over the sides of the memorial pool, then gently rolling toward its center, only to slip into a deep and unseen place seemed a perfect way to reflect on each life that had been lost but not forgotten.

These national ceremonies remind us that grief and loss are part of life.

In the past few months, I've experienced the loss of a family member and a friend. What I have found is that everyone experiences grief differently. Yet knowing how to help those who are grieving begins with understanding those differences.

Studies show that men experience grief differently than women:  

“No matter what sex, we oscillate between positive and negative emotions, between waves of sadness about the loss and hope for the future,” he said in a telephone interview. “This can be frustrating for men, who often seek the ‘quick-fix’ approach.” Sherry Schachter, director of bereavement services at Calvary Hospital in the Bronx and a grief specialist for 25 years, said in a telephone interview: “While women grieve intuitively, open to expressing their feelings, men are ‘instrumental’ grievers. They’re not comfortable with talking about their feelings, and they prefer to do things to cope.” In a men’s group she has run for the last few years, she said, “I never ask, ‘How do you feel?’ Rather, I ask, ‘What did you do?’ ”  

How do children process grief?

The Child and Teen Program at Hospice and Palliative Care of Western Colorado suggests helping kids process their grief through artwork:

   “…grief can be a complicated emotion for kids to deal with. Whether they're dealing with a lost loved one or a sick family member, putting their emotions on paper can help kids better express how they feel.  "I think it makes all the difference," says art therapist Joni Beckner.  Beckner works with kids from age 3 to 18. With markers, ink and paint, they put their feelings of loss and grief on canvas.  "For situations like this, with loss and trauma," she says, "often there are no words to really articulate the experience and what's felt."  A therapist can learn a lot from what a child creates, for instance scenes with their family. The art can also be used to gauge how a child is dealing with grief."  

You don’t have to be a therapist to help others process their grief.

But to most effective, you might just need to make a few little changes in the way you communicate or approach men, women, or children who are grieving.  You can always be a good listener, provide warm meals, ask the right questions, or offer to attend a grief group with someone who is grieving.

Today, we remember the lives of those we’ve lost and love.

Be encouraged,

Becky

After a nice summer break, I'm firing up the blog after Labor Day!

After 100+ weekly posts, I've enjoyed a summer break (that included a few rounds of golf, a stay-cation in Newport Beach, lots of reading, and a trip up Highway One)--but I'm looking forward to returning to Little Changes Big Results® blog in September with a variety of articles on how you can make little changes that will have big results--not only in your life, but in your family and community, as well!

Coming up -- a potential tour to 40 college campuses in 2012!  Want me to help?  Let me know by emailing me at media@changeyourlifedaily.com or calling 800.444.6189 for more information.

Be encouraged,

Becky

What do you think makes America great?

Fortune Magazine has just released their yearly “100 Great Things About America” List!

It is an eclectic compilation of people and things that makes America great, from sightseeing spectaculars to philanthropists and pop-culture icons. 

If you've been tempted to worry about our country lately, this list gives you a reason to celebrate our nation!  

Reading the entire list of 100 “greats” is a fabulous Fourth of July exercise that invites you to “agree” or “disagree” with the list-makers.  More importantly, it gives you unlimited reasons to root for our country – honoring the individuals and corporations that are making a difference, recognizing the freedom we enjoy, and appreciating the entrepreneurs and the inventions that have made us great!

Click here to enjoy the article and list.  And if you need to make little change in your attitude, add a few of your own “greats” and get the big result of feeling grateful for living in the United States of America!

Happy Fourth of July!

Becky

Does Your Marriage Need a Spark?

Watch the short video and be encouraged to improve your relationship! View some of the benefits of attending our upcoming Couples Event -- CLICK HERE for more info or to REGISTER for July 16th Couples Event at Voyager's Church in Irvine, Ca.