In two recent studies from the Pediatrics Journal the verdict is in: Parents Matter.
“The real message of this paper is that parents matter," says Ken Ginsburg, associate professor of pediatrics at The Children's Hospital of Philadelphia and University of Pennsylvania School of Medicine, and author of one of the papers. If you take this seriously and you are an active parent that gives appropriate rules and appropriate boundaries combined with warmth and support, you can actually make a tremendous difference here."
The paper--and the studies--were directed to parents of teenagers who were learning to drive, quoting stats such as this:
"In 2008, 4,400 teenagers died in car accidents. Car accidents are the leading cause of death for people 16 to 20 years old. The risk of teen-related accidents goes up dramatically when there are passengers in the car, if the teen is speeding, or if they've been drinking or using drugs."
In this revealing USAToday article, the results of the studies found that parents who are strict--who talk seriously and thoroughly about dangerous situations, who set boundaries that might sound overly-cautious, who release greater freedom after responsibility is displayed--are not being overbearing, but they are shaping the lives of their teenagers to be responsible and cautious young adults.
It's an article worth reading if you have children of any age.
As a parent, your ability and willingness to communicate and model truths to your children--whether they want to hear them or not and whether your peers are giving the same messages--matter.
Every little thing you preach to your kids will not carry as much weight with them as what you do.
I recall drinking my parent's liquor when I was underage. I remember swearing and not thinking it was inappropriate because my dad (a blue-collar worker) swore frequently. I remember smoking at a young age--and though I was told I should not smoke, my dad smoked. (Though I share these details openly, in my later years, my father and I had much love toward each other and many years of sobriety together.)
When I raised my son, I felt a great responsibility to not only talk with him about what I believed was good for him, but model my messages to him. (My son is now a mentor to students, an abstinence instructor, and a youth leader.)
The values, beliefs and convictions we want our kids to embrace may not be universal.
One of the hardest aspects of parenting in this culture is that the truths we hold dear and want our kids to embrace may not be the same ones that our family, community, school or neighborhood similarly accept. The Pediatric Journal studies give parents objective and important affirmation. They confirm that parents who mentor their kids by talking honestly and transparently with them about dangerous or defining issues will experience positive results that are more likely to lead to safe and responsible actions.
Parents should "take heart" from the findings in these studies. What you do and say matters. Though you may not be popular with your kids (or their peers or other parents), you must be willing to (1) live what you believe, (2) communicate the truths you hold dear with your kids at all stages of their upbringing, and (3) acknowledge that what is best or right might not always be what everyone else is doing or is allowed to do.
I implore you to be a courageous parent who sees little conversations and little lessons with little children leading to big results later in their lives.
Be encouraged,
Becky
Sunday, September 27, 2009
Sunday, September 20, 2009
The Biggest Loser--have you seen it?
One of the most-watched TV shows in America, The Biggest Loser™ is not simply about a dozen obese men and women who are sequestered on a ranch with a goal of being the one who lost the most weight and winner of $250,000. That’s just the hook. In my opinion, TBL is a show about guts and glory. It’s an expose about people who have no choice but to exhibit great courage in the face of great obstacles and great opposition.
If you watch the compelling saga unfold, it becomes a weekly lesson in how to overcome the odds against you, the genetics within you, and the assumptions you or others have expressed about you.
But did you know that The Biggest Loser™ was originally slated to be a reality TV show in which “lucky contestants” would be given a medical or surgical solution to lose weight with the expectation that this “gift” would radically change their lives? Instead, right before the first taping, the first fortunate few contestants chosen for the show were given an “opportunity” to lose weight the hard way—through healthy and very controlled eating, along with grueling workout regimens.
Since 2004, almost all of the contestants have experienced AMAZING weight loss—sometimes up to 100 pounds per person. And the majority of the men and women are extremely grateful to be given a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity to concentrate on an area of their lives that is completely out-of-control. In fact, they push themselves (and so does their personal trainer) in ways they never thought possible—from forever saying “no” to their favorite unhealthy foods to submitting to difficult physical endurance challenges as well as exploring the reasons and feelings behind their eating habits—all in front of America!
The Biggest Loser™, if you’ve never seen it, is inspirational, not only for those who need to lose weight but also for the millions of us who must overcome our genetics, addictions, or fears.
More than a reality show about weight loss, it is a visual reminder that true and lasting change begins with little, daily, quantifiable changes that will add up to big results if you (1) never give up, (2) don’t go it alone, (3) and remain transparent and honest with yourselves and others!
Be encouraged,
Becky
If you watch the compelling saga unfold, it becomes a weekly lesson in how to overcome the odds against you, the genetics within you, and the assumptions you or others have expressed about you.
But did you know that The Biggest Loser™ was originally slated to be a reality TV show in which “lucky contestants” would be given a medical or surgical solution to lose weight with the expectation that this “gift” would radically change their lives? Instead, right before the first taping, the first fortunate few contestants chosen for the show were given an “opportunity” to lose weight the hard way—through healthy and very controlled eating, along with grueling workout regimens.
Since 2004, almost all of the contestants have experienced AMAZING weight loss—sometimes up to 100 pounds per person. And the majority of the men and women are extremely grateful to be given a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity to concentrate on an area of their lives that is completely out-of-control. In fact, they push themselves (and so does their personal trainer) in ways they never thought possible—from forever saying “no” to their favorite unhealthy foods to submitting to difficult physical endurance challenges as well as exploring the reasons and feelings behind their eating habits—all in front of America!
The Biggest Loser™, if you’ve never seen it, is inspirational, not only for those who need to lose weight but also for the millions of us who must overcome our genetics, addictions, or fears.
More than a reality show about weight loss, it is a visual reminder that true and lasting change begins with little, daily, quantifiable changes that will add up to big results if you (1) never give up, (2) don’t go it alone, (3) and remain transparent and honest with yourselves and others!
Be encouraged,
Becky
Sunday, September 13, 2009
A Little Criticism Can Have Big Results...
Just as little steps in the right direction eventually lead to success, continuous steps in the wrong direction will undermine your faith, sabotage your fitness goals, or destroy your relationships. In other words, a little disrespect, a little dig, or a little demeaning glare—over time—will have big results: huge problems, great barriers, and deeply wounded souls.
My husband, Roger, is a relationship counselor.
He often comes home from a day’s work with an overwhelming sense that many people take their closest relationships for granted, often wounding each other with words of criticism or accusation. Rather than speaking words of affirmation to the ones they love, their words unload cutting remarks, deflate confidence or demean character.
Instead of growing stronger, relationships—families and marriages—are being torn apart by the very people who should be their advocate or friend.
WHY do we hurt the people we love? Sometimes we don’t realize we’re hurting someone. Other times we’re admittedly intentional with our daggers. But most often we’re operating out of selfishness or impulsivity. Unfortunately, a great deal of damage can result from continued criticism.
What can you do to reverse the trend of little digs, glares, and criticisms?
It’s simple. Stop. Control your anger—or get help controlling your anger. Ask for forgiveness. And keep asking until you are forgiven. Then start giving affirmations and affection, hugs and encouragement before you do or say anything else.
That’s right. Just stop, turn, and go the other way. It could save your relationship endless hours, days, or maybe even weeks of heartache.
Be encouraged,
Becky
My husband, Roger, is a relationship counselor.
He often comes home from a day’s work with an overwhelming sense that many people take their closest relationships for granted, often wounding each other with words of criticism or accusation. Rather than speaking words of affirmation to the ones they love, their words unload cutting remarks, deflate confidence or demean character.
Instead of growing stronger, relationships—families and marriages—are being torn apart by the very people who should be their advocate or friend.
WHY do we hurt the people we love? Sometimes we don’t realize we’re hurting someone. Other times we’re admittedly intentional with our daggers. But most often we’re operating out of selfishness or impulsivity. Unfortunately, a great deal of damage can result from continued criticism.
What can you do to reverse the trend of little digs, glares, and criticisms?
It’s simple. Stop. Control your anger—or get help controlling your anger. Ask for forgiveness. And keep asking until you are forgiven. Then start giving affirmations and affection, hugs and encouragement before you do or say anything else.
That’s right. Just stop, turn, and go the other way. It could save your relationship endless hours, days, or maybe even weeks of heartache.
Be encouraged,
Becky
Sunday, September 6, 2009
Back to School Hubbub
You've undoubtedly heard--whether you have kids in school or not--that (1) President Obama is delivering what some are considering a controversial, personal message to students in classrooms on September 8, challenging them to set goals for their lives while (2) the Swine Flu is expected to have an enormous impact on students in all grades (preschool through college). Both of these issues are hot topics with parents, administration, and teachers, but how do they affect you?
Before you are tempted to wish for the "good old days," or reminisce how life use to be so simple rather than complicated--economically or educationally--I must remind you about decades past. As a child, I remember getting TB shots in elementary school...wondering if I was going to get Tuberculosis (which seemed like a ominous and easy disease to contract). I also remember the President being assassinated and my life/school/time seemed to stop as my family, friends, and community mourned our nation's loss for days.
Back to school for any family or community is full of uncertainties and change. Therefore, I want to encourage to talk to your kids, co-workers, service attendants, grocers, teachers, banker tellers, or neighbors about their thoughts and feelings related to health, family, school, the President's speech, or their fears. Why? Because talking relieves stress, reveals any misconceptions, and exposes rumors or lies that can create unnecessary fear.
Take a little extra time this week to read, listen, and then talk to your family and friends about the "hubbub" that is happening in our country as kids go back to school: the President's speech and the Swine Flu impact in your community. Letting people (especially young people) express their concerns to you--their friend, teacher, neighbor or acquaintance--can instantly change his or her perspective from "gloom and doom" to hope and understanding.
Be encouraged,
Becky
Before you are tempted to wish for the "good old days," or reminisce how life use to be so simple rather than complicated--economically or educationally--I must remind you about decades past. As a child, I remember getting TB shots in elementary school...wondering if I was going to get Tuberculosis (which seemed like a ominous and easy disease to contract). I also remember the President being assassinated and my life/school/time seemed to stop as my family, friends, and community mourned our nation's loss for days.
Back to school for any family or community is full of uncertainties and change. Therefore, I want to encourage to talk to your kids, co-workers, service attendants, grocers, teachers, banker tellers, or neighbors about their thoughts and feelings related to health, family, school, the President's speech, or their fears. Why? Because talking relieves stress, reveals any misconceptions, and exposes rumors or lies that can create unnecessary fear.
Take a little extra time this week to read, listen, and then talk to your family and friends about the "hubbub" that is happening in our country as kids go back to school: the President's speech and the Swine Flu impact in your community. Letting people (especially young people) express their concerns to you--their friend, teacher, neighbor or acquaintance--can instantly change his or her perspective from "gloom and doom" to hope and understanding.
Be encouraged,
Becky
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