Parents Matter

In two recent studies from the Pediatrics Journal the verdict is in: Parents Matter.

“The real message of this paper is that parents matter," says Ken Ginsburg, associate professor of pediatrics at The Children's Hospital of Philadelphia and University of Pennsylvania School of Medicine, and author of one of the papers. If you take this seriously and you are an active parent that gives appropriate rules and appropriate boundaries combined with warmth and support, you can actually make a tremendous difference here."

The paper--and the studies--were directed to parents of teenagers who were learning to drive, quoting stats such as this:

"In 2008, 4,400 teenagers died in car accidents. Car accidents are the leading cause of death for people 16 to 20 years old. The risk of teen-related accidents goes up dramatically when there are passengers in the car, if the teen is speeding, or if they've been drinking or using drugs."

In this revealing USAToday article, the results of the studies found that parents who are strict--who talk seriously and thoroughly about dangerous situations, who set boundaries that might sound overly-cautious, who release greater freedom after responsibility is displayed--are not being overbearing, but they are shaping the lives of their teenagers to be responsible and cautious young adults.

It's an article worth reading if you have children of any age.

As a parent, your ability and willingness to communicate and model truths to your children--whether they want to hear them or not and whether your peers are giving the same messages--matter.

Every little thing you preach to your kids will not carry as much weight with them as what you do.

I recall drinking my parent's liquor when I was underage. I remember swearing and not thinking it was inappropriate because my dad (a blue-collar worker) swore frequently. I remember smoking at a young age--and though I was told I should not smoke, my dad smoked. (Though I share these details openly, in my later years, my father and I had much love toward each other and many years of sobriety together.)

When I raised my son, I felt a great responsibility to not only talk with him about what I believed was good for him, but model my messages to him. (My son is now a mentor to students, an abstinence instructor, and a youth leader.)

The values, beliefs and convictions we want our kids to embrace may not be universal.

One of the hardest aspects of parenting in this culture is that the truths we hold dear and want our kids to embrace may not be the same ones that our family, community, school or neighborhood similarly accept. The Pediatric Journal studies give parents objective and important affirmation. They confirm that parents who mentor their kids by talking honestly and transparently with them about dangerous or defining issues will experience positive results that are more likely to lead to safe and responsible actions.

Parents should "take heart" from the findings in these studies. What you do and say matters. Though you may not be popular with your kids (or their peers or other parents), you must be willing to (1) live what you believe, (2) communicate the truths you hold dear with your kids at all stages of their upbringing, and (3) acknowledge that what is best or right might not always be what everyone else is doing or is allowed to do.

I implore you to be a courageous parent who sees little conversations and little lessons with little children leading to big results later in their lives.

Be encouraged,

Becky