Intervention anyone?

In the past week, I've had numerous conversations with parents of teens and preteens from all over America regarding bullying, underage drinking, drug overdoses, suicide, pornography, and dating. Yikes! Do you have any idea of what is going on in our nation's neighborhoods and schools?

Most of us, unless we have kids that age, don't realize the seriousness of the issues boys and girls are facing today. And even if your kids come from a secure and stable home, the kids whom they sit next to everyday in class might be struggling for any number of reasons. All I'm saying is that a parent in today's culture cannot be naive, under-informed or intimidated to talk to his or her kids.

I continually think of myself as an awareness advocate. And in this role, I'm growing more convinced that parents must talk to their kids about everything-- even if it is uncomfortable.

On one of my most frequented websites, drugfree.org, I found the following advice:

"If you are at all concerned about a child – or even just have a bad feeling – you can and should intervene by:

Setting tighter limits with clear consequences

Getting outside help and support if necessary

Having productive conversations with a child -- remain calm, share your concerns and listen.

Closely monitoring your child's behavior and activities."

In fact, this very informative article on intervention strongly suggested: "It's imperative that you intervene as soon as your instinct tells you that something is wrong."

I think many parents are often afraid that they might be overreacting or they don't want to confront school administration, nor do they want to embarrass the family name or disrupt a child's schooling for treatment or relocation. But if you overheard the conversations I've had just this week, I know you would be moved to action.

So I'm going to challenge you to make one little change that will have a big result: THIS WEEK start reading and watching news stories about teens and...addiction, depression, today's drugs of choice (prescription or street) and their rampant availability to the very youngest students, bullying, alcohol abuse and its relationship to sexual assault on college campuses...then see if you aren't inspired to do something in your community to change the culture!

Be encouraged,

Becky

Teens Drink for Free!

Of the 709,000 12-14 year olds who drink in America, almost half of them either drink at home or get their alcohol from home (as reported in a recent SAMHSA study). And 94% of those kids get their liquor for free. Most shocking, of the 12-14 year olds surveyed, almost 16% of them were given the alcohol by their parent or guardian!

Outside of the sad fact that the average age of kids experimenting with drugs and alcohol is getting lower and lower, the rest of the report shouldn’t shock you, because if you were a teenager in the last 40 years…

You or your friends probably drank while underage,

You or someone you knew probably drank while driving,

You or your friends probably drank your parent’s liquor while they were out,

You probably went to a party where a “kegger” was supplied by the parents,

You or your friends probably drank to be popular,

You or your friends drank because you felt insecure, or

You or a friend drank more than everyone else because a parent or grandparent was an alcoholic.

Years ago, there weren’t many studies that revealed the truth about teens and alcohol: the increased number of kids who dropped out of school because they drank, or the higher number of alcohol-related criminal arrests and sexual assaults, or the percentage of teens who were diagnosed as alcoholics. But when the statistics of kids who drank and drove and killed innocent people was made public, and when 1000's of teenagers from every community were being repeatedly admitted to treatment centers, and when the majority of sexual assaults on college campuses could be linked to alcohol abuse, more and more families, schools, and communities started talking about the reality of the problem in America.

For many years, I have been an advocate of the prevention of underage drinking. And frankly, sometimes I feel as if I am in the minority! So, I'd like to ask you to join me.

Would you consider making a few little changes in your life, in order to see the big results of teens who complete their education, aren’t involved in drunk-driving accidents, and don’t get caught up in vandalism, unplanned sex, or alcohol-related injuries and illnesses? I promise, it's worth the fight!

Here is how YOU can prevent underage drinking:

1. BE AWARE of the first signs of Alcohol Use and Abuse:
* Grades lower, friends change, alcohol-related habits occur (such as smoking), attitude and mood gets darker.

2. HAVE OPEN CONVERSATIONS about Alcohol:
* Talk about family genetics, role play uncomfortable situations, discuss how they feel and think about alcohol, parties, and what might “trigger" them to drink (ex: shy, bored, homesick, peer pressure).

3. PROVIDE ALCOHOL-FREE ACTIVITIES and Environments:
* Get creative and arrange fun, social gatherings with themes, activities, movies and sports/games, provide alternative vacation/holiday options, and never be without a variety of weekend activities that give your kids and their friends something to do (such as bowling).

If you don’t make these little changes, kids' social choices will most likely involve drinking.

Please don’t be shocked or naive. Be proactive.

Be encouraged!

Becky


P. S. If you have a tween or teen or an under 21-er, dig a little deeper and read the following articles from these outlets:
Health News Daily

MSNBC

SAMHSA News Advisory

Little Changes Big Results® for Crazy, Busy Couples!

My husband, Dr. Roger Tirabassi, and I just spoke to over 300 couples that attended a Compelling Marriage Conference in Southern California. Along with other speakers, we shared a number of our best relationship tools that we’ve designed over the past two decades while working with dating, engaged, and married couples.

As a Coach and a Counselor, we love to give couples immediate, “little changes” that will give them the “big results” they want--increased intimacy, creative dating ideas, and even tools for decreasing anger and defensiveness. They include:

Little Change #1: Communication by Elimination
Little Change #2: Develop a Love List
Little Change #3: Do the 5 A's Today
Little Change #4: Accept Each Other's Personality
Little Change #5: Create A Diffusing Statement
Little Change #6: Use a Time-Out Tool
Little Change #7: Connect Empathetically
Little Change #8: Learn Conflict Resolution "Quick Steps"
Little Change #9: Forgive and Give
Little Change #10: Designate A Date Night

If you want the perfect Valentine’s Day gift, click here to order the first book in our series, Little Changes Big Results® for Crazy, Busy Couples.

Be encouraged,

Becky

Addicted to...SUGAR?

For those of us who have struggled with an addiction, we know the drill: abstain to change your brain, fight through withdrawal, then maintain sobriety with healthy alternatives and the help of others.

Local family doctors as well as renown television doctors are speaking out about a devastating a common American addiction: sugar.

Dr Oz, a cardiothoracic surgeon and host of his own medical television show, recently discussed sugar the way a recovery center would talk about drugs and alcohol saying, “Sugary and fatty foods affect the pathways to the brain in the same way as heroin or cocaine. Sugar acts directly in the brain to inhibit the effect of leptin and increased appetite so you never feel full.

What can you do to break the sugar habit?

Be strategic. Keep a food journal for one week. Write down EVERYTHING you eat AND drink. Highlight all foods that contain sugar.

Read labels. Do you know the variety of words that have the same meaning as sugar such as dextrose, sucrose, glucose, sucrose, fructose, maltodextrin, maltose, brown sugar, maple sugar, or molasses?

Stop drinking calories. 2 Coffee drinks, or sweet teas or sodas can add 500 calories a day to your diet, primarily from sugar! And 3500 calories a week from drinking calories equals one pound of weight on the scale! Is it worth it?

Start simple. Clean out your car, purse/brief case, desk top, or kitchen counter. Get rid of all sugary snacks, candy, and soda pop in your immediate sight. Replace with healthy substitutes such as 100-calorie almond packs, tea bags with spunk and flavor (but no sugar or calories), and bottles of spring (not sparkling or sugar loaded) water.

Dr. Oz also suggested a way to help reduce withdrawal and carb cravings. He said, “you can take supplements such as Chromium picolinate -- 1,000 mg daily -- to help with sugar withdrawal.” He added, “Vitamin B complex, 100 percent daily allowance, helps with carbohydrate cravings.”

As a life coach, the majority of people I coach are struggling to remove sugar from their diets. Making little changes, such as (1) completely eliminating soda is a powerful first step that can produce immediate weight loss (FYI: one of my gals lost 10 pounds in 2 weeks), or (2) asking the entire family to join you in eliminating excessive sugar can be an immediate source of accountability--and is especially helpful to children, and (3) replacing sugar with spices (such as cinnamon) or using natural, calorie free substitutes (such as stevia) will have big results: weight loss, lowering the risks of obesity and diabetes, and a healthier lifestyle.

As an addict with 33 years of sobriety, I know how difficult it is to remove something from your life that has a hold on you. But I am living proof that when you become aware that you have a problem, the best thing you can do is to admit to another person that you need help, follow a detailed action plan to remove the addictive substance from your life, and be accountable to as many people as possible to stay sober!

Be encouraged,

Becky

Can you reduce the risk of cancer?

In my life, a number of dear friends or their friends are fighting cancer of every type. In fact, yesterday, in group of 200 people, I asked anyone to stand who is close to someone (or they are personally) dealing with cancer. Over half of the audience stood up.

My own husband, five years ago, was diagnosed with prostate cancer. We faced the diagnosis and began our fight against it. Much of our protocol included natural supplements, as well as completely eliminating white sugar and white flour, pesticides or chemicals from his diet. I am happy to say, with the combination of this natural protocol, lots of prayer, no chemo, and robotic surgery, my husband has been cancer free for 3 years.

Every cancer is different. Every individual is different. Every fight against cancer is different, but because so many of us are daily facing the disease, it is very helpful to know there are ways to reduce the risk of cancer that are accessible to all, relatively inexpensive (compared to the high cost of medicine or medical procedures), and only require that we make little changes in our lifestyles in order to see big results.

The Mayo Clinic suggests 7 ways to reduce the risk of cancer:

1. Don’t Use Tobacco. My father was a smoker until the week he died. Due to tobacco, he lost much of his ability to walk or breathe easily for the last two decades of his life--no longer able to golf with the family or even walk the dog (both activities he loved.) My father-in-law was a smoker early in his life, yet suffered with lung cancer. Another, younger relative in my life who smoked, recently made the effort to quit smoking--and kept working at it--until he quit. It’s worth it.

2. Eat a healthy diet. I can’t convince you to eat healthier or even choose organic foods, but more and more restaurants are being forced (by their customers) to provide healthy options. Look for them and try them. Most of us who do cannot “go back” once we’ve stopped eating tons of sugar, tons of butter, tons of grease, or tons of flour. We see the difference in our energy, our waistline and our complexion.

3. Workout regularly and lose weight if necessary. As a life coach to women who are often 50 pounds overweight, I know that encouragement to get active is the first step to change. Moving--walking, swimming, dancing--is the next step. But staying inactive will never lead to a healthy body or weight. Find something fun and do it! Get an accountability partner, coach or trainer to keep you motivated.

4. Protect yourself from the sun. I love being outside. I have been to the dermatologist a few times lately and have been scolded (and zapped) by her for my obvious love for the sunny outdoors. Protection from the sun includes using the sunscreens, hats, and clothing that are available--consistently. Don't be lazy or forgetful. (I’m preaching to myself here.)

5-7. Get immunized, take early detection seriously and avoid risky behaviors. With the number of cancers that are related to our digestive systems, esophagus, liver and colon, we must begin to take our health--and that of our loved ones--more seriously than ever.

As you read this blog, consider your lifestyle:

Do you visit the fast food establishments and order greasy foods more than once a month?
Do you drink sodas daily or in large quantities?
Do you smoke cigarettes, cigars, or chew tobacco?
Have you considered eating organic fruits and vegetables? If not, why not?
Have you considered eating whole grain foods instead of white flour breads and pastries?
Does your family eat healthy--if not, why not?

You are an influencer. Making little changes in the way you eat and exercise will not only reduce the risk of cancer in your life, but it can have big results in the lives of those you love.

Be encouraged,

Becky

Skins, Bullying and the Sexualization of Girls...what's next?

Many are calling, Skins, the newest MTV television show, "teen porn." Others are pressuring the network to take it off the air. But is it, as the show creators and cast suggest, the common behavior of the average American teenager?

Good Morning America, in response to the uproar over this show, invited Dr Michael Bradley, author of “When Things Get Crazy with your Teen” to be their guest. He suggested that adults watch controversial shows, such as Skins, with their children, rather than let them watch it with their friends or on their own. Dr. Bradley, an expert in the field of raising teenagers in this crazy culture, wisely cautioned adults saying, “It’s not so much what you tell them, but what you ask them.” He suggests that the old strategy (of isolating our kids from bad things) no longer works in this media-savvy world because this is a “new war.”

I agree--not necessarily that you have to watch the show with your kids, but that you need to talk with teens about what is really going on around them (not what you think or hope or feel is happening).

Whatever the “hot topic” in your student’s world--whether it is transported to them by way of television, music, movies, texts, Facebook posts, or telephone conversations--that is exactly what you should be talking about with them.

If you haven’t noticed--perhaps because you don’t have kids yet, or your kids are either grown or still toddlers--our culture is and has been consuming (swallowing alive) this young generation of Americans. From the sexualization of girls to the bullying of classmates, we--the collective mass of adults in America--are retreating like stunned observers, rather than standing up, mentoring and protecting this young generation of young boys and girls.

In the past twenty-five years, I’ve been a coach, a youth worker, as well as a speaker and author for high school and college students. As an advocate for this young generation, I am convinced that our culture is not changing for the better. For example, even a decade ago it wasn’t popular to be a binge-drinking, sex-crazed teenager. Today it is. Now dozens of television shows such as MTV’s Skins glorifies, suggests, or creates a false (and demoralizing) picture of what true love, passion, fun, or a person’s worth is based upon.

At the close of the GMA interview with Dr. Bradley, he said, “If you change a belief, you change the child.”

You don’t have to be a parent of a teenager to make a difference in the life a young person. Any co-worker, relative (aunt, uncle, or older sibling), teacher, administrator, school janitor, employee at their favorite hang-out, or neighbor can make a powerful and positive difference in a teenagers life. How? Talk to them about the culture. Ask questions about what you read or hear in the news. It’s okay to be clueless or surprised. Just don’t be judgmental. It’s okay to make statements of your beliefs and why you believe what you do. They need to hear that an adult has strong, moral convictions about love and life. Most of all, don’t assume teenagers aren’t looking, hoping, even begging for someone to tell them that it’s okay to have values, to stand apart, to respect others, or that it’s right to do those things!

To change culture (a big result), our nation needs individuals like you and me to pay attention to the young boys and girls in our circle of friends and family, in our neighborhoods, and in our communities.

This week, I encourage you to make a few little changes in the way you interact with tweens, teens, and twenties: Ask questions. Listen for their answers. Share your beliefs. Pray for them. Pray for our nation.

Be encouraged,

Becky

4 Little Changes, 4 (or more) Big Results

Every few months, I like to remind you that you can change every area of your life--today! You don't have to wait a month or a year to see immediate and big results. You just have to be willing to make little changes--like the ones I've suggested below:

PHYSICALLY: The statistics don’t lie. We are a nation that is fat…and getting fatter. Most likely, you are all in a relationship with someone who is obese or has diabetes (unless of course, you suffer from it yourself).

Doctors admit that the first and best course of action to take in order to reverse obesity and diabetes is to lose just a LITTLE weight. Studies repeatedly conclude that weight loss, even a little, can immediately reduce the various health risks attached to extra, unwanted pounds.

Here's one little change that will have a big result: Eliminate soda (or other sugary drinks) from your diet for one month. I call it SODABRIETY. If you eliminate all soda (note: there are 250 calories per 12 ounce can x 2 cans a day = about 500 calories), you have the potential to lose one pound (3500 calories) a week! Yes, ONE POUND A WEEK, just by eliminating soda! (Just imagine what might happen if you add a little exercise and cut back on fried or fatty foods?)

Are you in? SODABRIETY for one month?

EMOTIONALLY: I live with a counselor. He works primarily with Seriously Dating, Pre-Married, and Married Couples. That means we have to practice what he (just kidding) preaches!

Is there one little change you can make today that will immediately improve your most important relationship and allow you to experience a big result? Yes! Develop an anger diffusing statement. All couples disagree. Anger is inevitable. So, since you know it’s coming—but because you don’t know when—if you have an agreed upon “statement” to use when either of you feels out-of-control, it can bring immediate calm and reduce the risk of impulsively hurting someone you love. Try it. Brainstorm just one phrase that would signal a "time-out" to your partner. What's our statement? When I start to bug Roger, he says, “Fiesty.” When he says it, he makes me laugh. That's a big result! Rather than end up in a blow up, he is signaling to me that he is getting frustrated and doesn’t want to get angry. We just "back off" the discussion for a few minutes and start over when calm. Try it!

(Roger is hosting two couples’ events in Costa Mesa, Ca. To register for the 5 Week Seriously Dating or Engaged Workshop beginning January 22, 2011, call 714.384.0914 or email eabdelatif@rockharbor.org and a Compelling Marriage Conference on February 11-12.)

SPIRITUALLY: Almost twenty-seven years ago, I needed help to grow spiritually. Spiritual growth, for me, isn’t mystical. It’s practical. I made one little change in my daily routine in February of 1984 and I believe it has impacted every area of my life! I committed to reading a 365-Day Bible, from cover to cover, in just 15 minutes a day, one day at a time. Have I seen a big result? I have stayed married for over 3 decades. I’ve raised a great son who desires to make a difference in this world. And I’ve fulfilled my passions of becoming an author, speaker, and fitness instructor. I'd say that's big! What do you think; worth a try?

MENTALLY: Most everyone feels the pressure to get more organized, accomplish more, earn more money, feel less stressed, lose weight, or get out of debt. But none of those things can happen overnight. They happen over time—one day at a time. In my life coaching practice, I encourage my coach-ees to spend at least 10 minutes a day planning: 4 minutes when you get up to look at the day’s “to-do’s”, 2 minutes around noon time to make any adjustments, and 4 minutes at day’s end to review the day and transfer (to tomorrow) any unfinished business. W. Clement Stone said, “If you fail to plan you plan to fail.” Give yourself the gift of daily planning: 10 minutes with your calendar and to-do list. What’s the big result? Peace and productivity! Who doesn’t want that?

Be encouraged to make 4 little changes in 2011 and get the big results of peace, productivity, passion, and purpose.

Becky